A bond as important as that of a husband and wife, is the bond between siblings. Lee Dong-Wook
I was in the middle of congratulating my sister on the new chapter she’s about to enter into. And I began thinking of our relationship and how wonderful it is and my mind went into overload on the how’s and why’s and I clearly knew what I wanted to express on paper but I couldn’t get the words to come together so that others may read and understand my posting. And I started to think about other sibling relationships that I’ve came across that were similar to mine, but unfortunately, they all were the opposite and it made me come to realization that having a close relationship with your sibling wasn’t as normal as I pictured. Which has now led me here and I want to reflect on my relationship with my sister, step siblings, brothers, and some facts and tips on building family relationships based on personal experiences.
First, I have two, and what I refer to as my “real sisters”, which means that we share the same mother but have different fathers. Each person has their own preference on rather to refer to siblings with the same father has their blood siblings and if they have different mothers then that’s their stepsiblings, but too each its own.
I’m the oldest of two girls on my mother’s side. I’m two years older than the middle child and the baby girl just turned 18 a few months ago. And some of the statistics surrounding the personality type of the Eldest, Middle, and youngest child truly applies to my siblings and me. I, the oldest, the tester child, rule maker, the “mean one”, Nurturing and protective, responsible, on-time. The Middle child, Easy-going, independent, generous, peacemakers, can be rebellious, strong negotiator. The last child, outgoing, financially irresponsible, creative, risk-taker, spoiled, attention seeker, fun, and manipulative. Sorry if you’re the last born and you don’t agree, maybe you’re in that small percentage where this doesn’t apply, but this is my youngest sister down to the last letter.
And let’s not forget if you’re the only child, leader, mature, dependable, demanding, close to parents, private, sensitive, and self-control. Lucky for me, I fit the bill for the only child and the oldest child. I was raised as an only child with my grandparents all my life, although I was around my other siblings throughout my childhood, I my personality matches first born and only child. I can be protective and bossy, but also sensitive and private which sometimes make it difficult for me to stay balanced and I also can be misunderstood, and add in being a Virgo, yes, a Virgo, but that’s a conversation for another time.
I like to credit my mother when it comes to the bond that my and my sisters have, and to be truthful my middle sister and I have the closest bond since we are closer in age, only two years apart, and I want to add the fact that we never lived under the same roof as each other. Yes, we’ve had sleepovers that lasted the duration of a weekend, but I don’t know that played a huge part in never really butting heads. I’ve heard of siblings fighting over favoritism, stolen property, snitching, and other serious and not so serious situations and we’ve kind of skipped over the stage, thank God.
I won’t say that our relationship is perfect, but I can count on one hand how many times my sister and I have argued, and it mostly occurred before we were teenagers. But as I mentioned, I can credit my mom on our bond being as strong as it is today. She’s always placed a huge importance on the meaning of loyalty and family-ties. We were always taught to never let anyone or anything come between us and to always stick together and face the world together rather than apart and that has truly stuck with us.
Since my youngest sister is the rebellion of the group, we most definitely bump heads with her. Neither me nor my sister have children and our little sister keeps us from jumping over the edge into parenthood. There’s no lover lost at all, but you may see my sister and I together more than the baby sister because of our age and personality differences. If you have any siblings that were born in early 2000s, all I can say is that, you are not alone.
I have a total of 7 stepsiblings and only one was of no blood relation. Yes, all 6 were my father’s children. My Father and I don’t have a close relationship, it’s sort of strained but we communicate time to time, and I say that to show the differences in how parents affect their children relationship as well as their own. I’m number two of my dad’s children and I have a older brother; and only two of my step-siblings are close in my age group, but sadly I only have a close relationship to my oldest brother and my next youngest brother, this, sometimes, gets really confusing. And although these relationships aren’t as close as my sisters, I still love them all.
I grew up being a shy child so if it wasn’t for both of my brothers taking the initiative of wanting to get to know me then we probably wouldn’t be as close. If you have strained relationships with your siblings, no matter who you share parents with, get to the bottom of what’s causing the strain or maybe there may not even be a strain; there just maybe some communication issues that’s present and one person willing to extend a olive branch may what will break the uncomfortable silence the next time you guys are face to face.
I’m in no way an expert on relationships when it comes family, but I can say I’ve learned how to balance my eldest child vs only child syndrome, as to not, become overbearing with my siblings or even becoming to self-absorbed where I wouldn’t be aware of their problems and issues. The roll of being the eldest isn’t the easiest, especially as you become older.
Depending on your culture, religion, or household standards the role of each sibling can become stressful and cause tension amongst each sibling. The oldest may be expected to have a higher paying job that the middle child, the middle child may have to work just as hard to overstep the eldest, and the youngest may be made to feel inadequate because she or he is expected to do the same as her older siblings but yet that’s not her goal in life. And to that I say, be free and follow your heart and mind when making decisions. Yes, parents can have some good advice and we should listen and take what they say and apply it to your life as you want to live it. At the end of the day, we must live our lives for our self and be the best at what we were blessed with.
I hope whoever may read my blog reflect over their sibling relationships or lack thereof and if there’s issues please fix them because life is too short, and I know that’s very cliché, but life really is too short and you don’t want to lose someone and be left with regrets because you never reached out.
And always remember, if they are toxic, don’t unlock that door unless that show true change because no matter what anyone says, family or not, if someone’s toxic you have that right to remove them from your life. If it affects your happiness in a negative way remove it.
Diamondlwrites 